16 weeks 6 days

Yesterday I caught up on the blog of one of my favorite knitbloggers, Cara of January One. I stopped reading her blog this fall when things got super crazy for me at work and then picked it back up sometime in March when I started having glimmers of good days and could actually handle reading a sentence. In that time she had announced that she was pregnant (in September) and was about to give birth (in March when I started reading again). Well I went back and read the archives which was great because like me she just put the whole experience out there. Like accidentally peeing yourself when you throw up. And it not being fair to still be throwing up at a later stage in the pregnancy. And the torture of feeling so incredibly nauseaus and yet starving at the same time. But through it all she kept the theme of how it was somehow worth it. She’s a professional photographer so she’s got all these beautiful shots of the new little one. Reading and connecting and then seeing the end result just encouraged me. It is worth it.

A lot of people have told me that they don’t think it is a good idea that I’m keeping such a specific record of this experience. That it is going to ruin the forgetful pregnancy hormones at the end and discourage me from trying to give birth again.

First of all, I don’t want to forget. I really don’t. If we decide to have another child naturally, I want to go in with full knowledge of what I we are in for. I don’t want to rose color it. I want the reality of it to be there so we don’t wind up two weeks in with a really sick Mommy and a kid who is freaked out because mommy is really sick, thinking this was the dumbest mistake of our lives. I want to go in saying this is what is going to happen, this is the plan we need to put in place so that I don’t wind up in the ER and so the baby’s sibling is taken care of when I’m confined to the couch. And if we weigh those costs and decide not to have another child naturally then OK. I think that is something we should do. Becoming a parent isn’t something to take lightly, especially for me.

I also don’t want to forget because I know that with this child there are going to be tough days. Days when I wonder why the heck I wanted to do this. I think for me knowing that we went through an emotional rollercoaster for a year to have this child and then 3 months (so far) of being really sick will help me. I will be able to look back and see how badly I wanted this child and how even the whinny tough days are worth it because s/he is here. That it was all a small price to pay to be able to love this child.

On another note, I don’t know how it happened, but overnight last night I woke up and felt huge. Really. When I looked at my bare belly in the mirror this morning it was completely transformed. It doesn’t look like a top heavy beer belly. It’s like round and it just feels huge and hard. And it REALLY gets bigger than THIS? Oh. My. Gosh. I just feel so huge already. Maybe it’s all in my head. I guess we’ll see at tomorrow’s weekly belly installment. I’m going to try and position myself and the camera the same so we can do an accurate comparison.

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