Preggomotional

It feels like every time I walk out of an OB appointment I have the craziest pot of mixed emotions boiling up inside of me.

Today was no exception.

Yesterday when we had our appointment with our midwife she told me that she really wanted me to get copies of all my labs from the pregnancy. I need to have them on hand in case we have to transfer because there are four other hospitals that are much closer to me than the hospital my OB has rights at.

While I am a bit of an introvert, I am usually a pretty confident person who isn’t hesitant to share an opinion (as evidenced on more than one occasion on this blog). Except when it comes to the doctor. At the doctor’s office I am always reduced to a trembling mess. So even though I knew this needed to be done I began working up the whole senario in my head. I was totally freaking out about it, mind racing on every possibility (which didn’t help with the trembling mess situation one bit).

After getting weighed, poked and prodded by the nurse I made my way into the examination room where I had to strip down below the waist and wait under a paper sheet. This also didn’t help with the trembling mess that I was becoming.

My OB comes in and asks how I’m doing and if I have any news for him. I say I’m doing great. He then point blank asks me where we are going to deliver. I fess up. I say, “We’re going to have her at home.” He then proceeded to make sure I knew the risks associated with my choice and all about how he performed two emergency c-sections this week. I nod my head about a billion times through his speech to signal that I understand his concerns.

Well, with that out of the way I let him know that I’m going to need copies of all my labs today in case we do have to transfer. He says that it is no problem and I just need to fill out a form with the receptionist. Then he measures me and uses the doppler for the heartbeat. Everything is all good.

Then I get the lovely “check” and OH MY GOSH did it hurt like heck! I am currently 1 cm dilated, 30% effaced and she’s at -2 station, just in case any of you are wondering.

After that he says, “We don’t want this baby to get much bigger. She’s about 6 lbs according to the ultrasound.”

He says he’ll see me in a week and gives me a hug before walking out the door (not weird, he usually gives me and even Stephen a hug at the end of our appointments). The receptionist is all ready with my appointment set up when I get out and a few minutes later I have a stack of labs in my hand.

So I feel like all weird now that I’ve had a little time to process everything.

Getting the labs was the easiest part of the appointment… why did I build it up so much in my head?

First thoughts regarding the “bigger” comment… a) that’s a pretty good thing to hear for someone that was sick most of the pregnancy and was afraid of the baby growing at all, and b) you are not going scare me into a c-section or induce me early because the baby is “too big” for me to birth, buddy.

He really thinks I’m making a dangerous choice, yet unlike most OB’s I’ve heard of that are anti-homebirth I still have an appointment with him next week and he gave me a hug at the end of the appointment. He didn’t even storm out of the room!

Well, I guess I got what I wanted. I just feel weird.

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