Monthly Archives: February 2009

Despite moving…

…craftiness continues.

Yes, I know, I should be packing. And I did do some of that. Almost all my books are now in boxes thankyouverymuch.

But now that I am no longer consumed with Harry Potter, I still need some kind of hobby/outlet. So I finally cut out all my quilt squares for Bean’s big girl quilt (twin size).

I laid them out tonight and I have tons leftover. Enough for another quilt. That’s probably because I used 18 different fabrics.

Leftovers:

I can’t stop looking at it. I love it so much.

Now let’s hope I can do a better job of sewing this time around and actually make it look cute.

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Eye Candy Friday: Just 5 miles away

Wednesday afternoon as I drove down the hill into the little valley where our neghborhood is, the view was absolutely gorgeous. Sun streamed through the clouds creating patches of brightness on the rolling green hills that lay ahead.

I just couldn’t resist. I stopped at my house long enough to grab my camera and then continued to head eastward.

The XM radio starts fading in and out as you reach the mouth of the canyon so I turned it off and enjoyed the winding drive in silence while Bean continued to nap.

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Big News (No, I’m not already pregnant again!)

Oh this post. What to say. How to say it.

So out with it…

We’re moving to Thousand Oaks in 30 days.

I have been more torn over this decision than I ever thought I would be.

The chaos and stress of this week has been in telling those that are closest to us. It is also been in trying to figure out the logistics of downsizing our stuff to fit into a 2 bedroom apartment, renting out our place and finding homes for our puppy dogs.

I know there have been times on this blog I’ve made it seem like I hate Bakersfield and hate living here. That isn’t entirely the case. I do have some wonderful friends and family here. We go to a great church. One that has been like a second family for us over the last 11 years for Stephen and 8 years for me.

It is where we were married. Where Jillian was born.

Great friends came to visit, clean and bring us meals when I had the worst morning sickness ever last year.

Neighbors that we share a Bible study with each week.

Friends we’ve grown up with, gotten married and had kids at the same time.

An employer that has helped Stephen grow so much in his career.

Musicians that we’ve spent hours recording CDs, playing shows, leading worship and jamming with.

We both know that this is what we want to do and this is what we need to do, but we didn’t think it would be so hard to tell the people we love and have shared so much with.

So that’s our bittersweet news.

As such, posting here on the blog will probably be a bit sparse for awhile.

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Week Twenty

Life is a little busy and chaotic right now. You’ll hear all about it tomorrow. Here are a couple pictures from today:

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When Geeks Fall in Love: Part 4

Despite how well things seemed to be going with us, I still questioned whether or not Stephen really liked me.

Meanwhile, Stephen was orchestrating everything he could so he could be prepared for us getting married, and I didn’t really notice.

The more I questioned our relationship, the more clingy I got. I would get extremely upset and disappointed whenever we couldn’t do something together or we had to be apart. And then I would feel stupid about it afterwards and think that I was only going to drive him away if I continued to act like this. It was like this cycle of crazy that I found myself in.

Sunday, March 23 I’d had a really bad day. I think I’d gotten in a fight with my sisters or my dad, can’t really remember at this point. Stephen said we couldn’t hang out after church because he was going over to Dave’s house to fix his computer and he had homework. It just seemed like the day was getting worse and worse. And being in the cycle of craziness, I started to think that I didn’t deserve Stephen and that he obviously didn’t love me because he wasn’t spending the day with me that day.

I know. It’s a bit mental.

Meanwhile, Stephen had been talking to Dave about how he was going to ask me to marry him soon. That he was just waiting for the perfect timing.

As the bad day wore on and my crazy obsessiveness continued I basically had a breakdown. I called up Stephen in tears saying that I knew he didn’t really love me and that we shouldn’t just keep dragging out the relationship.

Stephen said he wanted to talk to me in person and he’d be at my house in five minutes to pick me up.

We drove to Pin Oak Park (where it all started) and sat in the car. I was crying and saying all the same dumb stuff. That, in turn, started making Stephen cry. Next thing I knew he was telling me how much he loved me, that he knew I was the one for him, and that he didn’t want our relationship to end before blurting out, “Lisa, will you marry me?” while both of us were sobbing.

It took me a few seconds to register what he had just said before of course practically shouting yes. Tears turned into giddy laughter. We got out of the car, it was dark now, and held hands as we walked (well, technically I bounced) around the park talking and laughing and just enjoying the moment.

Stephen asked me what I wanted him to do as a symbol of our engagement. You see, long before the movie Blood Diamond came out, I already knew the horrible things that were happening in the diamond trade. I also knew that they were essentially worthless, and only made valuable because DeBeers owns about 80 percent of the diamond trade and controls how much are allowed into the market which inflates their value. I also knew that historically diamonds and even rings were not used as a symbol of love and engagement. It was all a big marketing scheme invented by DeBeers. So being the little rebel that I am, I was not about to buy into, or let my future husband buy into that scheme. Instead I opted for him to donate the money that would have been spent on a ring to World Vision.

People we told about this thought I was trying to be over-the-top holy or something. But the thing is I wasn’t. I just couldn’t stomach the idea of having something on my finger that may have led to rebel uprisings on distant continents where rape was used as a weapon of war. I did the research on this stuff six years ago and it is still impossible for me to look at a diamond and not think about some of the accounts I heard from refugees and women caught in the middle of diamond wars.

After the engagement I became like any bride. Completely stressed and obsessive about the wedding details. My stress level was so high that Stephen had us meet with our very organized friend Sam who wound up helping us plan our whole wedding and stick to our budget.

We were married Sept. 6, 2003.

The End.

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When Geeks Fall in Love: Part 3

That night and the next several nights were filled with so much anguish!

There were many late night and into the morning phone calls between the two of us filled mostly with me crying and desperate for Stephen’s love.

I do remember going to a movie at some point with the previously mentioned Katie. I just felt so awkward and lost too. Prior to Marissa basically forcing me to socialize, I still was pretty much a loner and didn’t have many friends at the church. All these new friends I’d made over the past few months were technically Stephen’s friends. So I didn’t know if I should continue hanging out with them like normal or what.

Another issue was that Marissa and I had started helping out at the merch table for Eleventh Hour concerts. About a week into our breakup the band had another show. Marissa and I worked the table like usual. I remember that Dave and Ashley came to that show. Stephen kept sitting by me and still being around me and stuff during it.

The following week the youth staff went to a Youth Specialties conference. Stephen sat by me in the van too even though there were plenty of other seats. He also sat by me in the conference and held my hand and in the van on the way home too.

So between the late night phone calls, sitting by me and hand holding I was thoroughly confused. I mean obviously we weren’t really “broken up”. After the youth conference I even remember talking to Ashley because she was curious as to what was going on between us. She was like, “I thought you guys were broken up?” and I told her that I really didn’t know.

The “break up” or whatever it was lasted about two weeks. At which point we decided that we thought the books advice on breaking up was dumb and we weren’t going to listen to it. Stephen later said that he knew at this point that by dating again that it was “for keeps” and that he doing it with the intention of marrying me.

I wish I could stay that we learned our lesson in the physical department, but we did not. Not one bit. We continued to struggle with it, unfortunately.

Another hurdle came that at our youth group’s summer camp. I don’t think we’ve ever fought so much as we did that week. Part of the problem was that we went from being able to spend however much time we wanted with eachother to no time at all. I felt like I didn’t even exist to Stephen because he was so wrapped up in working on the music for camp.

And then about halfway into the camp I got one of the worst migrane headaches of my life because of a stupid strobe light in the meeting hall. No one took me seriously about just how bad it was. I was told that there were parents there at the camp who’s kids gave them worse migranes than I could ever experience just by the stuff their kids did.

Eventually I somehow managed to convince some people how bad it was and a few people, including Stephen, took me to the hospital so I could get a shot and medication for the pain. Well that was a mistake. I should have told the on call physician the medicine that I regularly took for my migraines and just had them give me that. Because what they gave me was Demerol and Vicodine which basically turned into a drooling, exhausted zombie. Not exactly great camp counselor material. And of course that brought even more ridicule with it.  Looking back I wish I had just gone home the night the migrane hit.  

That fall I met most of Stephen’s family at Thanksgiving. They were all so nice and so much fun. I immediately felt welcomed by them.

I think Stephen resigned as the high school worship leader at some point during this time period so that he could get a full time job doing something that was more closely related to his degree. I also know that the band ceased being “Eleventh Hour” and changed the name to “Threefold7” and they got a new drummer because Jeremy quit.

The new drummer, Paul, and his wife, Brooke, quickly became some of our best friends. They also became some of the best accountability partners a couple could as for. They were constantly on us about what we were doing, where we were going, how long we would be alone, etc. More than that though we just really seemed to connect with them. Some of the best conversations either of us has ever had was with those two. I guess we all just have certain people we have very good friend-chemistry with and definitely had it.

By the time our anniversary came around in February I was pretty much expecting to be engaged. So when that didn’t happen I was very disappointed. We went on a date that night and it was fun and perfect, but I was still a little let down when things didn’t go in that direction.

I feel so silly for how disappointed I was now, though because it was literally around the corner.

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When Geeks Fall in Love: Part 2

So the next morning Stephen picked me up and we went to Pin Oak Park to have our relationship defining talk. I hadn’t told anyone about anything because I got home late the night before and I was still confused.

Our talk at the park, if a movie script, would probably have been the cheesiest thing you ever heard. We both talked about our past relationships: what went wrong, how we knew we should have done better, how we wanted this to be different. We made up a list of boundaries and I forget what else. But essentially, we were officially dating.

Then we went to see A Walk to Remember at the Marketplace. Then Stephen dropped me off at home.

When I got home I was super excited to tell my sister Paula, about what happened. She was in the bathroom doing her hair or something and wouldn’t come out until it was perfect. So, not wanting to announce it to the whole house I just slipped a note under the door telling her that Stephen and I had held hands the night before and we’d talked that day and we were dating.

So much for not wanting to announce it. Paula opened the door curling iron in hand screaming like girls scream when they are excited about something. We were jumping up and down and giggling and being giddy.

Paula, being the much more popular and outgoing of the two of us at church, asked if she could tell anyone she wanted. I said I wanted to wait to see what Stephen said. That Sunday was Super Bowl Sunday (I think or it might have been a week later). Anyway, we went to the youth group party and gave Paula permission to tell whoever she wanted. I think in a lot of ways Stephen and I can be pretty non-confrontal and passive about things. So letting Paula be our announcer seemed at the time like the perfect way to let everyone know without having to talk to everyone about it.

The next week at our youth leader meeting Dave was pretty mad. He sat us both down and told us he didn’t really like finding out through the rumor mill that two of his key leaders were dating. Oops! We said sorry and things were settled.

So I’m going to be real here because I think this is something a lot of couples struggle with, but no one really talks about. The reason we struggle with it is because dating in general is a relatively new phenomenon in the history of people.

About a week or two into our relationship the boundaries pretty much got thrown out the window. Heavy make-out sessions were on in full force. Our two greatest downfalls: the apartment during the day when Stephen was home alone and his car late at night when he was dropping me off. While we never went all the way, we definitely stepped over the line of what we should have been doing.

We fought about it. Cried about it. Prayed about it. Struggled with it. It was just hard to deal with that.

I’m not sure if she had any inkling of what was going on (or maybe it was just that wise mom intuition of hers), but Pastor Mike’s wife, Lee, recommended that I read And the Bride Wore White at some point. So I did. Basically what I got from this book was that even kissing wasn’t good and if your relationship wasn’t completely above reproach, you should end it.

So one night after another gone-too-far-makeout-session, I told Stephen this. I pretty much expected him to not agree with me. Talk me out of it or say we could make things better. I didn’t expect that we would follow through with it!

But we did. He said, “OK I think you’re right. If we can’t handle this we shouldn’t date anymore.”

I was completely devistated.

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