Happily devastated.

How far along, due date
I think I’m almost six weeks along (gestation). The baby would be due late December/early January. I’ve done a couple due date calc programs and talked to my midwife which gave some more specific dates, but considering that I was pretty late last time around, I think this time I am only comfortable with stating that vague reference. I’m a brat, I know.

How we are feeling emotionally
For me, “happily devastated” pretty much sums it up. Yes, I know that is an oxymoron. The range of emotions I’ve gone through in the past 24 hours fits nicely into happily devastated though. I’ve been excited. I’ve spent several hours crying. I’ve been scared about all the “what-ifs”. I’ve been a lot of things. Stephen on the other hand just says that he’s excited. Bean doesn’t really know what is going on, of course.

How I am feeling physically
Really great. Which is amazing and weird. Last time around I was already feeling exhausted about five days after conception (about 3 weeks gestation). I started feeling nauseaus at 4 weeks gestation. I found out I was pregnant at 6 weeks gestation. I got my first prescription at 7 weeks. This time around I’ve had a couple little bouts of nausea, but they are mostly resolved with having a little snack. I’ve also been able to take naps mid-day a couple times which I’ve never been able to do except when I was pregnant with Bean.

How we found out
If you read my pregancy blog from Bean, you know I’m a big fan of Toni Weschler’s Taking Charge of Your Fertility. I chart. This means that I take my basal body temperature every morning and make note of other fertility signs during each cycle. So I actually knew I was pregnant on April 22 when I saw a triphasic shift in my basal body temperature. However, I wasn’t really ready to accept this. Neither was Stephen. Stephen didn’t want me to take a test until May because that is when our new insurance kicks in. That was fine with me. Sort of. I mean of course I wanted to know! Anyway, yesterday I bought a test at Target and because inquiring minds wanted to know I used the test in the bathroom at Target, a la Juno. It was positive. And while I knew it was going to be positive. I was still in shock. I called Stephen. He said he was really busy and couldn’t talk about it. Note to men, not the thing to say to your wife in this situation. I spent the better half of the afternoon crying and well, in shock. Finally, Stephen came home and he was very excited and the day got better.

Was this planned?
I’m not sure how to answer this question. If you remember my posts right after I gave birth I was on sort of a post-homebirth high. Felt really strong and powerful and really wanted to do it again. That lasted about four months. Then we got some brief stomach bug and I was done with that idea. I went back and forth.  I also went back and forth because I really, really have a heart for adoption. I’ve talked about it on this blog before. So in some ways knowing the need for adoptive parents around the world, it seems a little irresponsible to bring more children into this world. OK, that sounds wrong. But I think I get the point across. I really want to adopt and provide a loving home for a child that would otherwise not experience that. But all that is sort of irrelevant to the “was it planned” question, I guess. In any case we weren’t “trying,” but we weren’t “not trying” either. Honestly though I figured that since it took us so long (on hormones) with Bean, that the chances were pretty slim. I was wrong.

A brief note about communication
So some of you may be a little annoyed at finding out about this through the blog. Yesterday after finding out I tried to make some phone calls to the inner circle of friends and family. After hearing the fifth voicemail message I gave up. For one thing, I don’t really like talking on the phone. For another, I know that had I texted, tweeted, Facebooked, or e-mailed that I would have gotten an instant response. I then decided that I would just do it that way instead of making a bunch of phone calls that I didn’t really want to make in the first place. So if you are upset that you didn’t get to hear the news via phone call or face to face conversation, you can blame the five people that didn’t pick up their phones yesterday. Besides, Bean is a cuter messenger, don’t you think?

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22 Comments

Filed under Family, Parenting, Pregnancy and Birth

22 responses to “Happily devastated.

  1. Morgan

    Oh my goodness Lisa! That was totally the last thing I expected. 🙂 I’m so excited for you guys and can’t wait to meet the next cousin. Will we finally add a boy into the family??? We love you!

  2. Wow!! I know your emotions are all over the place, but how exciting! I’m sure you’re just feeling torn because this wasn’t all your decision, but it’s happening! Plus Bean has been such a super star I’m sure she’s going to be a great big sister 🙂 I’m really happy for you and hope this pregnancy goes easy-peasy compared to your first. Especially now that you know what to expect.

  3. Oh Lisa, I can only imagine how you must feel! I’ll be praying that this is a much easier pregnancy on you, especially since you have a little one to take care of! I think most moms would feel the way you do with an unexpected pregnancy. I’ve heard time and again how couples who struggled with infertility have a much easier time conceiving again after having their first child. Blessings to you and your growing family! Congratulations!

  4. Kourtni

    Congratulations, Lisa! You will be just fine. I found out I was pregnant with Juliet when Logan was 8 months old. It was just as you put it… happy and devastating at the same time. Of course… it’s JULIET and though we didn’t “plan” her… we can’t picture life without her either. God purposed this family… and He is definitely doing that in yours as well. I’m excited to hear about this new journey… and I PRAY you feel great this time around. 😉

  5. I am so excited for you! I know it will be tough… but just as with Bean, I’m sure she (or he!) will arrive and you will feel the same rush of amazing emotions.

    I totally understand where you are coming from with your whole range of emotions… Swee’Pea is 19 months old, and I would feel the same mix of feelings if I got prego right now!

    Hoping the sickness doesn’t hit you hard like last time!!! Maybe it was just a first-timer thing! 🙂

  6. Hi Lisa-
    Congrats to you! I pray this pregnancy goes smoother than the last. Trust me, I know how you’re feeling emotionally. I went through the same roller coaster. Just know, though, that sickness the second time around is actually easier because you know what to expect. Not what you want to hear, but I’m doing much better emotionally this time. I know what works and what to do. I actually think I may get my PICC line out in the next several weeks, which is better than at 32 weeks! If you need to talk to someone who understands, email me, I know it’s easier to go through with someone who can relate. I pray for a healthy pregnancy and baby for you!

    -Jill

  7. Jacqueline

    I am so excited for you guys! It is probably a little overwhelming but you will do just fine, you sound like a wonderful mother to Bean this next baby will be so blessed, and just because you had another one doesn’t mean you can’t still adopt.

  8. Barbie

    Holy…..SMOKES! WOW! Shocked! Congratulations, as scared as you may feel, really what a blessing God has given you. I LOVE that my sister and I are close in age. Bean with now have a play pal to keep her busy. Will this effect your living situation, etc?

  9. Liz

    Congratulations! I’ve been reading your blog since you were pregnant the first time. My second baby is a week younger than your Bean.

    If you are going to keep breastfeeding while pregnant I would recommend Adventures in Tandem Nursing by Hillary Flowers. It’s a great book!

  10. Dear Steve and Lisa,
    We share our pictures of our four great granddaughters with all of our friends when they come to our house. Some of them are still awaiting great grandchildren so we feel so blessed. We always are pleased to have more and pray that this pregnancy will be much more pleasant for you and it should be since you know what your medical problem is.
    We look forward to meeting Ade when she and her parents come down soon for Kirstin’s graduation. I heard that you might be coming too. Does this change your plans?
    Our love and prayers to you, Steve, and Bean.
    Grandma Cay and Grandpa Rollie

  11. OH. MY. LORD. Congratulations!!! When I saw Bean’s shirt, I seriously screamed!

  12. lj

    so so so SO excited for you guys. love you

  13. lwuertz

    Thanks for commenting on my blog Grandma Cay & Grandpa Rollie. 🙂 Yes, we are coming down for the graduation. We just booked our rooms yesterday. Provided I still feel as I am feeling now we should be able to make it as planned. So Lord willing we’ll see you in just a couple weeks. We’re so excited to spend some time with the family, meet Bean’s newest cousin and see Kirstin graduate. It is going to be so much fun. I’m so glad we’ve been able to bless you two with a great granddaughter. Who knows, maybe we’ll finally have a Wuertz boy! 🙂

  14. lwuertz

    Thanks Liz. I have heard great things about that book. I think I will have to check it out. I’m definitley already experiencing some issues, like soreness. So I could use all the tips and help I can get. 🙂

  15. lwuertz

    Yeah shocked is right! But I know that this is really going to be a blessing. It is really cool that you and your sister are so close. I hope the same for my kids. I don’t think this will change our living situation as of yet. We are in a pretty big three bedroom apartment here (1600 sq ft) so I think it should work just fine. If we have a boy we’ll probably lose our guest/craft room, but if it is a girl they can share.

  16. lwuertz

    Thanks for the offer Jill. I’m really hoping I don’t have HG this time around. I’m already feeling much better than last time around so that is good. 🙂

  17. lwuertz

    Olive – Yeah, I think I even felt rather mixed emotions when I was pregnant with Bean. It’s just the worries of the unknown and all the what-ifs that often get us down. I know I should just try not to worry and take it day by day. God will provide. And I will learn.

  18. lwuertz

    Kourtni – stories like yours give me hope! Thanks. I know it will be a lot of work and that this new baby will fit into our family just like Bean did.

  19. Kirstin

    Congrats! I’m glad that you are feeling better this time around–I’ll be prayer that will continue throughout your pregnancy. Could the little one share a birthday with a most excited cousin? Meaning me of course! 🙂

  20. Oh Lisa!! Jeremy first told me the news, and I have been dying to actually get on the computer and congratulate you!! I am so excited for you and Stephen and Bean!!

    I think your fears and worries are completely understandable. It’s only natural to think about all those things, even in the midst of excitement and gladness. As others have already said and as you already know and trust, the Lord knows exactly what is best for your family and will provide 100% everything you need with this newest blessing. Also (and I have to remind myself of this daily as a mom), He never gives us more than we can handle! His grace is always sufficient in every situation, and I cannot wait to see how He strengthens and prepares you for this new season of life.

    it is going to be so fun to see Bean as a big sister. Eeeee!

    you know you’ll be in my prayers daily… I am hoping you will feel SO much better this time around!!

  21. GrandmaTiger

    Over the years, I have heard time and again that having a first pregnancy seems to “prime” the system to repeat the process, as though the first little trailblazer sets all the switches and valves to the “on” position for the other babies to come. Our bodies are meant to have children, passing on the genes is what the “Biological imperative” is all about.

  22. Jackie

    I am shocked and happy for you at the same time. You will be surprised how much love is in your heart, for every one of God’s gifts to you and yours. Always with Love : Me

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