My fears and worries

Yes, as you have all pointed out, “Children are a blessing from the Lord.” I know this. And in many, many ways I am very excited about this whole thing. I would say that overall that is my general feeling.

However, I do have many fears and worries as well. I think anyone in my situation would.

Among them…

-I’m only 6 weeks along. I could still get sick. I am worried about what might happen if I get really sick like I did last time and I am unable to breastfeed Bean anymore. I know formula isn’t a big deal for most people, but it is for me. I do not want to wean Bean early. I’m also worried about getting that sick and just being able to care for her in general.
-If I get so sick I have to miss a couple big family vacations and my sister’s wedding, I am going to be pretty depressed.
-The fact that my symptoms are very minimal so far also worries me. Everyone I’ve ever talked to about miscarriage has said that the pregnancies where they miscarried they didn’t have hardly any symptoms. However, it isn’t like I have no symptoms, they are just a lot easier to deal with. I still have been having a sour stomach, mostly at night. I have not thrown up yet though. So while I’m happy to not be throwing up several times a day every single day, I’m also worried about what this might mean.
-January 2010 I will have TWO babies requiring all my attention. That just seems insane to me, especially as I feel overwhelmed by one baby a lot of days.
-We need a new car. Right now Bean’s seat is in the middle of our backseat because that’s really the only way it fits. It doesn’t fit behind either of the passenger seats. I’m pretty sure two seats will not work back there because of this. Furthermore, I’m going to have to start toting a double stroller around now and well that would take up my whole entire trunk I’m sure. How am I going to get groceries?
-Which brings me to another quandry. How am I going to do simple errands like groceries with TWO babies? How am I going to do anything? Our house is going to be a wreck at least for the next two years. I’m sure of it.
-It makes me sad to think I won’t be able to pick up and hold Bean towards the end of my pregnancy.
-How am I going to cloth diaper two babies? I know most of you are probably thinking, “Oh, it isn’t a big deal, just use disposables.” But it is a big deal to me. For one thing Bean gets terrible, terrible diaper rash with disposables. This week our dryer was out of commission for a few days and I had to use them. After the first disposable her bottom was bright red and all broken out. I felt so, so bad for her. She kept scratching at her diaper and anytime she went she got super fussy I think because it probably burned. Plus I really take seriously God’s charge to us to be good stewards of the earth. It really bothers me to do things that I know I can do in a better way that is not bad for the planet. But I am going to have to fit in crazy amounts of laundry for this to work. The thought of that overwhelms me.
-I really need a rocking chair. Badly. Stephen doesn’t believe me. He thinks this isn’t a big deal. I have no idea how to convince him otherwise.

So anyway those are some of the things that caused all the crying on Friday.



Filed under Family, Pregnancy and Birth, Ramblings

8 responses to “My fears and worries

  1. Congratulations on your pregnancy, Lisa! We Mommies sure know how to worry, don’t we? You’ve got a lot on your mind. The great thing is that you’re a really good Mama. You CARE – deeply – about doing what is right for your babies. You know how to take care of them, and as overwhelming as it seems right now, you’ll take things day by day and everything will work out just fine. Some days you’ll feel like a rock star and some days you’ll feel totally overwhelmed, but every day your babies will know that you love them, the Lord and their sweet Daddy, and it will all be ok.

  2. Misha

    Well the Lord does want us to bring everything to him exactly as it is and as we feel…so you are honest..and I think in this place truly sharing your feelings and giving them to the Lord he can do something great….who knows what maybe you will get sick and he will teach you something wonderful from that…or you won’t and he will show you something else…but we know God hears us and he is good….so be blessed and congrats…the good thing is that they will be close friends, being so close in age will be special…many friends I know have purposely spaced there kids apart a little over a year only…so anyhow have a great day.

    Misha from nyc

  3. Liz

    I had so many of these same fears when I got pregnant with my second son. (And just to reassure you, I had no symptoms with my second pregnancy at all.)

    I breastfed my older son all through the pregnancy with my second son. I know we don’t know each other or anything, but if you want to talk about this stuff, email me.

  4. First, these things don’t have to be sorted out right now. You have a while to get used to the idea and to incorporate things into your life.

    Second, there are a lot of people praying for you to have a healthy, HG free pregnancy this time around (me included). Don’t discount the power of the prayers of many. Try to enjoy every day that you don’t feel sick instead of making yourself crazy because you aren’t sick.

    Some ideas for the logistics of two babies: a sling/mei tai or wrap combined with a stroller instead of a double stroller. Wash a load of diapers every day, without fail and you won’t be behind. Trade child care with a friend and don’t be afraid to ASK FOR HELP!

    We all worry about how a new baby will affect our other children. It’s totally normal. But Bean and this new baby will be the best of friends. One day you’ll look back and you won’t be able to fathom what Bean’s life would be like without her little sibling…you won’t think about the times you couldn’t hold her at the end of your pregnancy or about how you wrecked her world by having a new baby “too soon.” This is a blessing for her, too. Take it from a mama who has been there….


  5. First of all Congratulations!!!

    Second of all–I don’t blame you at all for being concerned! I have wondered about these things too at moments when I thought I might be pregnant.

    We moms are pretty good at worrying like Emily said.

    Anyways just wanted to say thinking of you and praying that you keep feeling good! I have heard of women who felt better their second pregnancy and that breast feeding helped with the hormones.

    Oh and if you are ever interested Hypnobabies has CD’s for easing nausea and other pregnancy symptoms. I loved the hypnobabies course I took. It helped me relax and feel so much better through my birth adn even in my pregnancy.

  6. Oh wow Lisa! Happily devastated is a feeling that I know all too well. Did you know that my kids are only 13 months apart? Yah my daughter FOUR MONTHS OLD when I got pregnant. Talked about SCAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRED! πŸ™‚
    I won’t tell you that it will be easy or that everything will go smoothly but just know that I completely understand where you are coming from with these fears & concerns. I REALLY do! My kids will be turning 6 & 7 this summer, I can hardly believe it, and not a day goes by that I don’t remember the nurse I met in my pre-op, before my son was born, who told me that her adult children were only 11 months apart! It was SO comforting to know that someone else had survived a similiar fate πŸ™‚
    It is SO hard to feel so out of control but honestly I think that’s a lesson straight out of Parenting 101.
    Ok honestly I could probably go on and on πŸ™‚
    Hang in there!

  7. You WILL be able to do it! It’s tough but somehow it all works out. My second child was planned and further spaced out than your two will be but I still had worries and fears. I think all moms worry about how to handle 2. For me, I usually left both kids at home and did my errands on Saturdays so my husband could be home to watch them. It gave me a break and I could finish grocery shopping so much faster! He did not really want to do it, especially when I was nursing and he’d end up with a crying baby most of the time, but he didn’t complain because he knew I NEEDED him to do that for my own sanity.

    The car thing, I thought you had a Honda Accord, and Kourtni has one too and has fit 3 carseats in there. You might want to look into a smaller carseat before you buy a different car, it’s much cheaper that way! I fit 2 carseats in my Civic just fine. There’s no room for even an anorexic supermodel to sit in between them but it’s fine for our family of 4! I put groceries on the floor in front of the carseats and even between the seats when my trunk is full! Plus I like having frozen and refrigerated foods inside the car anyway vs putting them in the trunk when it’s 112 out anyway. πŸ˜‰

    Cloth diapers… Could you use a diaper service, just in the beginning when the new baby is going through so many diapers? Or ask your husband to put a load in before and after work to help out?

    I know this all isn’t easy and you’re overwhelmed but you’ve got all of us here to support and encourage you. I’ll be praying for you!

  8. lwuertz

    Sunny, thanks for all your suggestions. I didn’t know that Kourni had an Accord. I’ll have to ask what kinds of car seats she has. We have a Graco Snugride. I think I just need to do a little research on carseats to come up with a solution.

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