Boy.

So as you can see from the title of this post we decided to go ahead and find out what we were having.

There were a couple reasons behind this. One being that I’m really good at looking at ultrasounds. Like seriously, I think I should have been an ultrasound tech. Even when I got ultrasounds on other body parts like my liver or kidneys in the past, I knew EXACTLY what I was looking at and didn’t really need the tech to tell me what they saw. So I was pretty sure, that even if we told the tech not to tell us what we were having, I would have seen and known anyway.

I was actually still really torn about the decisionΒ even in the room. When she asked us at the beginning of the appointment, I said, “Yeah. I guess so. We’ll find out. I’ve been really torn about it.” So then she said we would wait until the end of the appointment to do it and she would ask again. Well, when she was measuring the legs and all that I totally saw the boy parts like four or five times. However, my attachment to the idea of having a girl was hoping I was wrong. But alas, I was not. Everyone else got their wishes and prayers answered for a boy.

So the other reason I wanted to find out is that I knew that if we were having a boy I’d need some time to process that fact. And I do. Don’t get me wrong, I totally love this baby and I know upon giving birth I’ll get that love rush hormone as soon as I lay eyes on him. And I do already love some ideas about having a boy… that Stephen can get into baseball with him, that there’s finally a grandson (and a great grandson) in the family, that little boys (or so I’ve heard) are not nearly as dramatic and emotional as little girls, cute little boy clothes I love whenever I go to Target or Babies R Us, etc.

I just know that this is the last time for me and I was pretty dang attached to the idea of having another little girl. Pregnancy is just way too hard on me physically and emotionally. I can’t go through it again. I just can’t. This time around wasn’t half as bad as with Bean and I still say that. After this baby is born we are taking some permanent measures so that I don’t get pregnant again.

And I know adoption is always a possibility and something that I’ve wanted to do, in which I could then bestow my treasured girl name upon a new family member. But honestly, one kid is already overwhelming enough for me and the idea of two still seems like so much to deal with, making the idea of a third child just completely unfathomable at this point.

No one seems to understand how I’m feeling and I don’t expect them to. Stephen’s worried that the baby will have a complex that he wasn’t good enough or not wanted, or like me and my sisters wondered if we would have met our parents expectations more perfectly had we been the four little boys (little league players) they had always hoped for (instead of half a softball team, as the “joke” always went). And I don’t want that for this boy, but I also don’t quite know how to immediately flip the switch off that had me so attached to the idea of a girl. So we found out and now I have several months to fall in love with the idea of having a boy.

I don’t know how to explain it any better than that and I really don’t expect anyone to “get” this. Honestly, I’m sure you’re all thinking that I’ve just said some of the most horrible things I possibly could have and how could I, the girl who got all preachy about how we would love this child in spite of a possible Downs Syndrome diagnosis, say that I am basically devastated at the idea that I’m having a boy? I guess it just all goes right along with all the other horrible and insulting things I’ve said on here (regretfully) in the past. Like I said, I don’t know how to explain it to you any better than I have.

So anyway, enough about that. On to the other main reason for the ultrasound. The baby is completely and totally healthy. There are no markers for Downs Syndrome. The perinatologist that we saw yesterday completely got my whole cycle thing and actually had a few words about the state run AFP test, which he refuses to participate in. πŸ™‚

According to the ultrasound, I’m measuring about a week farther behind than my due date calculations based on ovulation. It should be noted though that ultrasounds beyond fourteen weeks for dating are not accurate, but if this baby is anything like Bean in coming late and it keeps an OB off my back for an extra week, I’m all about going with the flow on that one. Basically as I said before, we’ll have our baby sometime in late December or early January and if I had to bet on it I’d say it is more likely to be early January.

Oh and we do have a name for the boy, but as with Bean, we aren’t going to be sharing it here on the blog. If you are my friend on Facebook (meaning I actually know you), you already know the name (or if you missed that, check the comments section under the “boy” announcement and you’ll see it). If you are a friend or family member not on Facebook reading this and want to know just e-mail or text and I’ll tell you. The name is set. We’ve been pretty attached to this boy name since the last pregnancy. So, we’re not looking for criticism thankyouverymuch. And it would also be appreciated if you don’t talk about the fact that you don’t like our name choice with other family members or friends because those sorts of things always seem to find a way back to the person they were about. My theory on this is as such: If you don’t like our name choice, tough. You have either already had the chance or will someday have the chance to name your own children. This is our family and our choice and what we like. Keep your opinions to yourself.

Anyway, here’s a profile shot:

With Bean I didn’t feel uncomfortable posting the “money shot”. Mostly because, well, there was nothing there to see. For some reason though I really feel uncomfortable posting the same ultrasound pic for this boy because there is something there to see. So yeah, not posting it.

That’s about it.

I am planning a weekly update on Bean (which is already a day late), but wanted to wait until I could take some pictures of her with my new camera which finally arrived on Monday. However, I am STILL waiting on a memory card for it to show up even though I paid extra to have it overnighted. The card should have been here yesterday. Yeah, I’m pretty pissed about that fact.

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14 Comments

Filed under Family, Parenting, Pregnancy and Birth

14 responses to “Boy.

  1. Devon Bergquist

    Congrats on a healthy baby. I just wanted to say that I completely understand your emotions about having a boy. All my life, I had wanted two girls. When I got pregnant with Connor, I thought and hoped it was a girl because that’s what I’ve always wanted and God knew that. I didn’t want to think about having a boy. I did start to wonder if it was a boy as time went on and so when our ultrasound day came I was so nervous, I made myself sick and I ended up taking the day off of work. Needless to say, when I saw that it was a boy in the ultrasound, I started to tear up in the room, but then when we got to the car, I started bawling. I called my mom first to tell her and I told her that I didn’t want to tell anyone else and that she would have to make the phone calls because I was too much of a mess to do it. I cried off and on the rest of the day. My mom even sent someone over to talk to me to make sure I wasn’t depressed. I just couldn’t believe it was a boy. Whenever people would ask me what I was having, I would say “A boy” with absolutely no enthusiasm. Everyone told me that boys are wonderful and so loving and that is exactly how Connor is. He is my absolute joy and so loving and funny and I can’t imagine not having him as my child. I had to get used to the idea of a boy before giving birth and honestly, it didn’t really set in until he was born. It may take a little time, but it will happen for you too. And a little side note, boys are so much easier to clean up after a messy diaper. πŸ™‚

  2. Congrats on your baby boy. I think finding out and giving yourself a chance to get used to the idea of a boy was a good plan. Your feelings are completely natural

  3. Morgan

    First of all, we’re so glad that you’re having a healthy baby, and that this pregnancy has continued to be a lot easier for you. That being said, you’re completly and totally allowed to not be psyched about having a boy. I think it was smart to find out now so you’re excited once he’s here. I was so bent on having a girl I definitely think I would’ve been upset to find out it was a boy. I have friends that were convinced they were having a girl, only to then have a boy,and they were upset. This is not a big deal at all, and you’re not a horrible person. You have legitimate feelings that you just need to deal with. But like you said, once you lay eyes on him, all that will be out the window. πŸ™‚

    And I love the name. πŸ™‚

  4. You don’t have to explain yourself. Of course you’re going to love your son, and who cares if it takes some time to process? I know you’ll love having a son and I’m so happy for you!

  5. Congrats to you guys! I’m so glad to hear that everything looks great with the baby boy! I figured you’d find out the Downs thing was just the AFP test being unreliable as I did! And. . . I really must say, my boy was much easier (and still is) than my little girl. Maybe that gives you some encouragement. You will fall in love with the little boy as soon as he’s born, even if he comes with that extra little part! I worried about having a boy, too, and now, 7 years later am so glad I have a Mamma’s Boy!

    Good Luck to you!
    -Jill

  6. Lisa, I’m like you, in that I grew up with all sisters. I always wanted three girls, just like my mom did. I never wanted any boys. We didn’t find out with Jonah so it was a little shocking when he was born to find out he was a boy. A small part of me mourned but I very quickly fell in love. With Nathan, we did find out his gender, and even though I said I wanted a brother for Jonah, I still did experience a small bit of disappointment when the ultrasound tech said it was a boy. Now that I have 2 boys, I love them to death and would never trade them for girls. They are so different, but I have so much fun with them. Don’t worry, you will love him dearly, it just might take time to adjust to the idea.

    And trust me, I understand wanting to stop at 2. I thought I’d want a bunch of kids, but now I know my personal limits. We might never have more and I’m okay with that, even if other people bug me about it. It’s my life, not theirs.

    I honestly love his name. I can’t imagine you getting grief over it, you chose a perfectly nice and very popular name! It is not outrageous or strange! Do you have an online name for him? I thought about Peanut to go with Bean, but since he is a boy, I’m afraid that might be a little much, if you know what I mean, LOL!

  7. Ruth

    I also love the name! And your feelings are completely understandable!! We all have dreams/expectations about our families and lives that aren’t met, and even when we know that what God has planned for us instead is wonderful and amazing, there is still a grieving process, so to speak, when things don’t go according to our plans/hopes.

    As for child number three, you are in no state to consider that just yet!! A year ago I would have laughed out loud if someone asked me about adopting a third (you know that!); now I have to say maybe. Not anytime soon, but I can’t confidently say that we are done. So you never know!!! As the kids get older and life gets easier and being a parent becomes more and more fun, it might be an option.

    I can’t wait for little Bean to be a big sister!!

  8. GrandmaTiger

    Love and hugs and sorry our family “joke” still scars you! Delighted to know the test was wrong. A baby is a baby, you’ll love each one in their own special way. Guess I’d better make a facebook account and get with the program!

  9. congrats on your precious baby boy πŸ™‚

  10. I commend you for being honest with yourself and others. It’s such a raw, personal thing- the sex of your baby. Especially when YOU are the one doing all the work carrying baby boy.

  11. Leslie

    I think your name choice is beautiful..but it would have been cute if you named him Jack πŸ™‚ lol

  12. Kourtni

    I love the name you picked out… and I also can relate a little bit to your gender disapointment. Only it was the other way around for me. We were completely certain that G was going to be a boy and everyone we knew was telling us they saw us having another boy. And quite honestly… Juliet is a tough kid and we kinda chalked that up to her being a girl (even though I know there are boys out there who are just as tough)…. so when we found out that we were having another girl… I was pretty disapointed at the beginning. But I guess I don’t even have to tell you that we got over it, and now I wouldn’t trade her for a thousand boys… and I’m sure that’s exactly how you will feel about your baby. Once you get used to it… and especially after you meet him, you won’t care at all that he wasn’t a girl. πŸ˜‰

    p.s. everyone hated the name Genevieve and my family tried talking us out of it the whole time I was pregnant. I feel exactly like you do. It’s our kid and we can name her what we want. lol.

  13. I wanted a girl like there was no tomorrow when I was pregnant, and I knew that I was going to have a boy. Even after the ultrasound I felt a little jealous of the pregnant women with little girls growing inside them. But like you said, when my son was born I loved him like no other person has ever been loved. And you will too.

    Don’t worry about names. My own dad said he would refuse to call my son by his name, Levi. Yet he does. And even when we talk about what we would name our next boy, my dad still says stuff about the name and that he won’t call them that. Such is life.

  14. I know exactly how you feel, Lisa!! I was hoping hoping hoping that we would have a boy this last time around… I could see Jeremy with his son, me picking out boy clothes and experiencing something other than princesses and fairies, the girls loving on a little brother… yep, I was pretty sure Rosalie was going to be a boy. I think both Jeremy and I experienced a bit of disappointment at the very first when we found out ANOTHER GIRL! But… like everyone else has already said, once that child is there, you wouldn’t have it ANY other way. I can’t imagine what life would be like without our sweet Rosalie, and our THREE girls. You are not a terrible person at all– just normal and human. πŸ™‚

    his name is wonderful! I can’t imagine anyone not loving it. But if they don’t, well, tough. Naming a child is a very personal decision… as is deciding how many children you will have, and I respect you for realizing your limits. Two children are just as perfect a family and great a blessing as any other number. πŸ™‚

    oh, I’m so excited for you! And I want to come see you… so we can talk about all this fun stuff in person and I can see your baby belly again πŸ™‚

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