The ramblings of a very frustrated person

I am frustrated about a ton of stuff right now.

And it all feels completely overwhelming. Like there is nothing that can be done. No good choices. All compromises. Hard compromises. Imperfection.

Historically, personally speaking, this has been the worst time for me to write a post. But it is so maddening that I can think of nothing better than writing it all out.

Where to begin?

I guess I will start at the food industry. It pretty much sucks. Alternatives are not always affordable. I already feel like our grocery budget is completely outrageous compared to most people. And then we are supposed to afford all this other stuff, like preschool.

Which brings me to that topic. And how it is completely agreed upon that every child should go to preschool, that it has many benefits and children who go thru it are more successful. And how Kindergarten teachers I know that see on a child’s history that they didn’t go to preschool and automatically label them from the beginning as a problem child. But it is, in many cases, prohibitively expensive. So in our case we are settling for something mediocre, but barely affordable and even then my husband is making a big deal about the cost.

And the housing market and how we bought at the worst time ever and our house is now worth 45% less than when we bought it. And we don’t even get to live in it. Or how we’ll never be able to afford to live in a house in this city.

Or how PETA is complaining about how makeup brushes are made with animal fur and bad for animal welfare and skin so here use these other kinds made with taklon which is a polyester synthetic petroleum product and petroleum is bad for the environment too.

And how this city is too close to LA and everyone is so driven and aggressive and I find it highly annoying trying to compete with it.

And how I basically want to drop out of life and live in the middle of nowhere and just have a farm and barely make out an existence, but who cares because then at least I would have complete control over all the inputs into my family’s diet.

Or how everyone goes on these nice vacations to foreign countries and Disneyland and we don’t even have passports or the ability to go anywhere pretty much ever and every time we do go on vacation it results in arguments about money stuff for the next several months afterwards which completely negates any relaxing or fun effects of a vacation.

Or how vacations are just exhausting and means you usually have to deal with a lot of annoying people at airports or on the road or at Disneyland or at a children’s museum. Which is just annoying because life is already full of enough of that.

Or how my cloth diapers that are supposed to be environmentally friendly by reducing the amount of trash in our landfills (1 ton per kid per year) are made out of petroleum products and probably caused more harm to the environment while they were being made than if I just used disposables all along. But then how disposables are super expensive and we’ve already invested in cloth. And how the diapers won’t let go of their funk and it has been frustrating me for about a year now.

Or how I have made converts out of people with regards to cloth or food or homebirth, but what does that say about my ability to evangelize “the things that have eternal importance” and how most people just see me as another angry environmentalist wacko with too much time for research on my hands who’s faith is secondary?

And speaking of faith, how just when you think you’ve found what you are looking for the Church fails you again and you realize that no matter what there are really hard compromises to be made and how you believe in Jesus and all that but pretty much have started to hate church in general. Because it is sucky people making sucky mistakes and being generally sucky and I just want to be a hermit on my farm in the middle of nowhere.

The end.


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7 responses to “The ramblings of a very frustrated person

  1. 😦 I totally feel you on so many of those same topics. Life is complicated. 😦

  2. Juani

    I feel like rambling like this today.Not necessarily about the same things as you,but still.

    I agree about money and vacations and feeling like you have to keep up with other people,it’s completely frustrating.And don’t get me started on church,or at least the people in church.I could go on all morning about that subject alone.

    Hope you feel better really soon!

  3. Barbie

    Oh Lisa, you crack me up–I doubt that’s what you wanted to hear, but you do. Probably b/c I can relate to the desire to just RANT sometimes. Feels good to get it all out 😦 This other blogger calls this a MBD (mental breakdown day). I think we all have them, just about different stuff. Sorry that life feels overwhelming right now. I guess all the insight I can offer is that we live in a fallen world full of fallen people (including ourselves) and the only person/thing that won’t dissappoint is God. No farm in the middle of nowhere or perfect preschool or 10,000 sq ft house or “ideal” church. In fact, most people who can afford all of their desires tend to be even more unhappy than those of us who can’t. Praying that you get out of your funk soon.

  4. Hey, we all need to vent sometimes. 🙂

  5. Well thanks for laughing at and commiserating with me. After writing this last night I watched an episode of The Long Way Round with my husband and it happened to be the episode where they worked with UNICEF and visited children still being harmed by the Chernoble nuclear fall out disaster (over a decade later). I felt like a spoiled brat and much of my frustrations dissipated.

  6. Ruth

    You know I can relate. 😦 And you are not a wacko. You care about trying to do things right. There is a lot of contradictory information out there, and all we can do is learn what we can and try our best to apply it to our lives. We will never be able to do that perfectly.

    I have decided that it is okay to go through periods where I simply don’t have the answers. We don’t have to have everything figured out when it comes to faith, or politics or parenting or what the ideal life looks like, even though it feels good to have an exact worldview pinned down. As long as we are learning, we will have to make changes to our worldview based on what we have learned. And I never want to stop learning, so I have had to come to terms with that.

    We can only do so much. And I think you are doing a good job. 🙂

  7. Paula

    The grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side! Also Matt and I really enjoyed the part about cloth diapers as almost all of our friends are on cloth diapering kicks, lol.

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