So I feel like there have been a couple blogs here that require some further clairification.
The first one is on the move. Because I think some people think we are a little crazy for leaving a beautiful house, family, friends and a secure job in Bakersfield. While we are leaving friends and family here, we are also going to some great friends and family in Thousand Oaks. We will be living about 10 minutes from Stephen’s sister, Ruth. Stephen will be working with Ruth’s husband. Our girls are going to have so much fun together. Through various events that Ruth has had over the years, we’ve also had the opportunity to already meet some great friends in the area. So I’m looking forward to getting to know some of them better and hanging out more often. We also just love the area. I’m also already signing up for some Mommy & Me classes through the parks district and hoping to meet some friends there. In a lot of ways, what we’ve seen of Thousand Oaks is like what we think our neighborhood was supposed to be before the building bubble burst, only on a much larger, city-wide scale. As much as we love our home we’ve discovered that the location within Bakersfield is less than ideal being on the opposite end of town of many friends and family, we are frustrated at the neighborhood’s unfinished look, and Bakersfield in general is not the place we would ideally like to end up. Thousand Oaks, on the other hand, definitely makes our list of top places we want to live and watch our kids grow up. The other thing is that Stephen grew up in Ventura County and so I think in a lot of ways he feels like he’s going back “home,” even if we aren’t going to be in the exact town he lived in. We also love the proximity to so many southern California attractions (beach, Camarillo outlets, baseball, concert venues, etc), but without the crazy rushed feel of LA or the hauty feel of OC. Thousand Oaks just seems really friendly and family oriented.
Next thing I wanted to address are my statements about adoption. I just don’t want anyone to think that the only reason I’m even considering adoption is because of the pregnancy I went through. This isn’t just some new idea or whim. I’ve wanted to adopt for a long time. I distinctly remember talking about it with friends as early as high school. Long before Brangelina made it cool, I wanted to have a beautiful little rainbow faced family. For some reason whenever I talk about this I always remember the song “Jesus loves the little children” that I used to sing in Sunday school as a Sparkie in Awanas. Over the past few days I’ve come to some more conclusions about pregnancy and adoption. I even think that the more I pray about it I’m becoming open to domestic adoption too. Here’s my theory so far… adding another person to your family takes sacrifice. When you get married you sacrifice time alone, being able to do whatever you want etc. That’s your first experience with sacrifice in growing a family. When/if you get pregnant you sacrifice your body. If you adopt internationally you sacrifice financially. If you adopt domestically you often sacrifice emotionally before things are finalized. And through all three you probably go through various levels of those sacrifices (physically, emotionally, financially). I think sacrifice is good. Sacrifice is the picture of grace that God gave us. It seems to me that in order to show love you have to sacrifice and take risks. I think sacrifice takes great trust in our Creator. I think that the sacrifice in adding to your family is there for a reason. I think God intended it to be there.
And then one last point. I sort of left you hanging with asking you to pray for my friend over a week ago. Her water broke in the early morning hours of Feb. 27. They of course went to the hospital where she was told there was no hope and they would begin an induction. She was told the baby boy would not survive much longer. Amazingly enough he continued to move (she could feel him kicking!) and have a heartbeat and survive day after day. He was finally born March 3. She was told by nurses that if he survived delivery she would maybe have a minute with him. Well, his heart continued to beat for over an hour and a half giving this precious family some beautiful moments with him. While my heart breaks for them, I am just amazed at everything… their faith in God, the love so many people have for them, the fighter that he was, the miracle of his hour long survival. There are even pictures and seeing all of his tiny features just really gives whole new meaning to Psalm 139:13-16,
“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance;in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”
I guess these next statements might get me in trouble with some readers, but here goes anyway. After seeing this little form of a boy, I just really can’t understand abortion. I can’t. Especially since like these friends, Stephen and I have struggled with fertility and pregnancy and all that. There are so many couples that desperately, desperately want children. I just can’t comprehend killing something that is so obviously a life. A few months ago when Kourtni shared her story about struggles with miscarriage, the part that really stuck out to me was this,
“Though relatively common, miscarriage is a topic whispered around obstetricians’ offices and rarely discussed in a society that regards the unborn—especially at the earliest stages of pregnancy—as disposable nonentities. Many people undermined my feelings with platitudes such as “You can always get pregnant again” or “These things just happen.” But I believe life begins at conception; my unborn children were people with a soul. The loss of that unique person left an enormous void in my life, leaving me physically and emotionally empty, lonelier than I’d ever been before. All I could do about it was cry.”
Today Stephen , Bean and I went to the funeral. While I do not at all like that my friends had to loose their baby, that they had to have a funeral, I absolutely loved that they did have one. Instead of this just being a “common” miscarriage, by having a funeral we all got to recognized that this little boy was a life. That he had a unique soul that was known by God.
Well anyway, this thing is starting to ramble. I’m sure I’ve trampled plenty of toes at this point and Bean just woke up so I’d better tend to her.