So as you can see from the title of this post we decided to go ahead and find out what we were having.
There were a couple reasons behind this. One being that I’m really good at looking at ultrasounds. Like seriously, I think I should have been an ultrasound tech. Even when I got ultrasounds on other body parts like my liver or kidneys in the past, I knew EXACTLY what I was looking at and didn’t really need the tech to tell me what they saw. So I was pretty sure, that even if we told the tech not to tell us what we were having, I would have seen and known anyway.
I was actually still really torn about the decision even in the room. When she asked us at the beginning of the appointment, I said, “Yeah. I guess so. We’ll find out. I’ve been really torn about it.” So then she said we would wait until the end of the appointment to do it and she would ask again. Well, when she was measuring the legs and all that I totally saw the boy parts like four or five times. However, my attachment to the idea of having a girl was hoping I was wrong. But alas, I was not. Everyone else got their wishes and prayers answered for a boy.
So the other reason I wanted to find out is that I knew that if we were having a boy I’d need some time to process that fact. And I do. Don’t get me wrong, I totally love this baby and I know upon giving birth I’ll get that love rush hormone as soon as I lay eyes on him. And I do already love some ideas about having a boy… that Stephen can get into baseball with him, that there’s finally a grandson (and a great grandson) in the family, that little boys (or so I’ve heard) are not nearly as dramatic and emotional as little girls, cute little boy clothes I love whenever I go to Target or Babies R Us, etc.
I just know that this is the last time for me and I was pretty dang attached to the idea of having another little girl. Pregnancy is just way too hard on me physically and emotionally. I can’t go through it again. I just can’t. This time around wasn’t half as bad as with Bean and I still say that. After this baby is born we are taking some permanent measures so that I don’t get pregnant again.
And I know adoption is always a possibility and something that I’ve wanted to do, in which I could then bestow my treasured girl name upon a new family member. But honestly, one kid is already overwhelming enough for me and the idea of two still seems like so much to deal with, making the idea of a third child just completely unfathomable at this point.
No one seems to understand how I’m feeling and I don’t expect them to. Stephen’s worried that the baby will have a complex that he wasn’t good enough or not wanted, or like me and my sisters wondered if we would have met our parents expectations more perfectly had we been the four little boys (little league players) they had always hoped for (instead of half a softball team, as the “joke” always went). And I don’t want that for this boy, but I also don’t quite know how to immediately flip the switch off that had me so attached to the idea of a girl. So we found out and now I have several months to fall in love with the idea of having a boy.
I don’t know how to explain it any better than that and I really don’t expect anyone to “get” this. Honestly, I’m sure you’re all thinking that I’ve just said some of the most horrible things I possibly could have and how could I, the girl who got all preachy about how we would love this child in spite of a possible Downs Syndrome diagnosis, say that I am basically devastated at the idea that I’m having a boy? I guess it just all goes right along with all the other horrible and insulting things I’ve said on here (regretfully) in the past. Like I said, I don’t know how to explain it to you any better than I have.
So anyway, enough about that. On to the other main reason for the ultrasound. The baby is completely and totally healthy. There are no markers for Downs Syndrome. The perinatologist that we saw yesterday completely got my whole cycle thing and actually had a few words about the state run AFP test, which he refuses to participate in. 🙂
According to the ultrasound, I’m measuring about a week farther behind than my due date calculations based on ovulation. It should be noted though that ultrasounds beyond fourteen weeks for dating are not accurate, but if this baby is anything like Bean in coming late and it keeps an OB off my back for an extra week, I’m all about going with the flow on that one. Basically as I said before, we’ll have our baby sometime in late December or early January and if I had to bet on it I’d say it is more likely to be early January.
Oh and we do have a name for the boy, but as with Bean, we aren’t going to be sharing it here on the blog. If you are my friend on Facebook (meaning I actually know you), you already know the name (or if you missed that, check the comments section under the “boy” announcement and you’ll see it). If you are a friend or family member not on Facebook reading this and want to know just e-mail or text and I’ll tell you. The name is set. We’ve been pretty attached to this boy name since the last pregnancy. So, we’re not looking for criticism thankyouverymuch. And it would also be appreciated if you don’t talk about the fact that you don’t like our name choice with other family members or friends because those sorts of things always seem to find a way back to the person they were about. My theory on this is as such: If you don’t like our name choice, tough. You have either already had the chance or will someday have the chance to name your own children. This is our family and our choice and what we like. Keep your opinions to yourself.
Anyway, here’s a profile shot:
With Bean I didn’t feel uncomfortable posting the “money shot”. Mostly because, well, there was nothing there to see. For some reason though I really feel uncomfortable posting the same ultrasound pic for this boy because there is something there to see. So yeah, not posting it.
That’s about it.
I am planning a weekly update on Bean (which is already a day late), but wanted to wait until I could take some pictures of her with my new camera which finally arrived on Monday. However, I am STILL waiting on a memory card for it to show up even though I paid extra to have it overnighted. The card should have been here yesterday. Yeah, I’m pretty pissed about that fact.