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“This kid is proud and endowed…”

It all started at 2 am yesterday when I was awakened by the strong urge to run to the bathroom and eject my dinner. From then until about 5 am I had to pray to the porcelain gods every 15-30 min. Finally, I got a two hour break and slept. But the mass exodus of nutrient and liquid from my body continued periodically through the day. I was managing small sips of liquids (Pedialite is the most awful stuff ever, by the way) and actually thought I was managing the situation pretty well.

I am pretty sure this wasn’t typical morning sickness, although even Stephen had a hard time believing that at first given my history. Thing is I really haven’t been that sick this pregnancy compared to the other two. I have felt nauseous and there were a few dry heaving sessions early in the morning right at that 6-8 week intense period, but overall this pregnancy has been pretty easy. The last week and a half I have felt pretty good. I made dinner a couple nights and have been catching up on household chores like laundry and I even made it out of the house a few times to do some fun stuff with the kids. There is a stomach bug going around here (among other things like influenza, and the mucus/fever producing virus our kids and I got) I knew several people experiencing it.

Anyway, this just wasn’t like morning sickness. I know I am pregnant and that seems most probable, but I know my body and I knew this was some kind of stomach virus or food poisoning. A catalogue of what we’d eaten the past few days indicated that food poisoning would also be striking some other family member at this point that I’d shared a meal with. Since everyone else felt fine, knew that wasn’t it.

There was a misadventure yesterday while I was home with the kids by myself in my less than tip top shape. I didn’t want to get out of bed really so we closed off the upstairs, put Bean in diapers and let the kids have free reign of our bedroom and theirs. They checked in periodically with me, but mostly played nicely and quietly by themselves. However, dress up clothes, LittlePeople blocks, books, a rocking horse and a farm toy only could take them so far.

Late in the morning they made their way into our room and began raiding the closet. Sprout has a thing for my patent red Chinese Laundry flats so they were first to come out of the closet for sister to try to wear. This was followed by pretty much every other shoe we owned plus a few scarves and belts they were able to pull down.

At some point during all this I was called to my second favorite place that morning (with my bed being the first). When I was able to emerge, to my horror Sprout was walking around gnawing on a hunk of shoe polish and Bean was grinding the rest into the floor with the metal shoe polish canister. I swooped Sprout up and grabbed the big black waxy chunk out of his hands in a complete panic. Both kids had shoe polish all over themselves. I called Stephen screaming, “What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?” frantically into the phone. He texted the poison control hotline number over while I held Sprout under the sink to wash his mouth out of most of the particles. It didn’t seem like he swallowed much, just chewed on it. I got on the phone with poison control and the woman said, “You know, it’s mostly just wax with a little bit of dye in it. I really don’t expect much to happen.” Phew! I put Sprout in his crib and made Bean sit on her bed while I tried to clean up most of the mess. Then I promptly threw up. Called Stephen back to let him know it was all OK.

He came home for lunch and put the kids down for a nap and the rest of the day was uneventful. Though, Bean did pull out all the cloth diaper baskets and had strewn the cloth diapers all over her room after her nap, for fun. At one point I even started to feel more hungry (starving) than sick and managed to keep a few crackers and some toast down for three hours. But it wasn’t meant to be and back out it all came.

Stephen got home from work not too long after the kids woke up from their naps, although it was much too long for Sprout who had a stinky I couldn’t really deal with. He was kind of angry about it. Stephen got the kids changed and loaded up with plans for In-N-Out for dinner (I was obviously abstaining).

Well, about 10 min after he left I started feeling crampy low in my pelvis. Not good. Then they started to get regular, 30 seconds long and 3 min apart. What. The. Heck. I hadn’t thrown up most of the afternoon. I had been doing good with my sips of juice and water. Not good enough apparently.

Called Stephen, “I need to go to the ER right now. I am having contractions.” Left a message for my midwife to update her on this latest development and Stephen was back home. After a quick change (I know this is low priority, but I am vain and my snowman PJ pants were not appropriate plus they really clashed with the bright orange tank top I had on) we were in the car and a few minutes later checking in to the ER.

I hate hospitals and pretty much wanted to turn around and leave. But I didn’t and got checked in quickly. Then more waiting. Sister-in-law and her husband came by. She sat with me while Stephen went back to the house for overnight supplies with the kids and his brother-in-law and to eat since my call interrupted that earlier.

I met with the on-call doctor. She said it sounded like a stomach bug too and that they’d seen a lot of it. I would be having an IV to get me hydrated, blood work to check my electrolyte levels, anti-nausea meds, an ultrasound and a pelvic exam during my stay. They would get me a room ASAP. Nice. Mostly this was old hat for me after everything I went through with Bean’s pregnancy. I knew what to expect, but why did I need a pelvic exam?

Anyway, sister-in-law got to go back with me for the ultrasound (Stephen still wasn’t back yet). The ultra-sound tech had a good sense of humor. He looked at baby. Baby was measuring 16 weeks, not the 14 from my due date. And even though we told him I didn’t want to know the gender before I knew it there he was with the legs splayed on the screen for all to see.

“Are you sure you don’t want to know?”
“Well I can pretty much see it.”
“Yeah, this kid’s proud and endowed. Hmmm oh wait, no that might be the umbilical cord. Let me take a look here…”

He then switched to the blood flow view and decided it was the umbilical cord.

“So, still unconfirmed. You get your surprise.”

When I came back Stephen was there. Got to talk to our midwife. She said they wanted to do a pelvic exam to see if I was dilated at all, but I could decline it. I decided this seemed like a good reason.

So a blood draw for blood tests (which came back normal), two bags (liters) of saline, lots of shivering, some Reglan (hate that stuff all it ever does is make me go to the bathroom), four near emergency trips to the bathroom, more shivering, some Imodium, some Zofran and a pelvic exam (which showed I was not dilated) later, it was 11 pm and they were discharging me with a dose of Zofran to take home and a prescription for more.

Overall the experience was much better than any at the ER in Bakersfield, but I still hate hospitals and getting IVs.

Got a great night of sleep. Woke up with a Zofran headache and actually don’t feel too nauseous. Hope today is better and I can keep down food.

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